December 2015 was such a dark, dark place for me. I had every intention of creating my most recent Twitter account as a place to meet a few people before shoving off.
I wanted to die, but more importantly, I wanted some way of acknowledging I existed. Twitter was supposed to be a digital tombstone if you will.
Every year in December, I resist the urge to create another 5-year plan. After spending life bouncing between deployments, schools, cross-country moves, a 5-year plan was the only consistent thing in my life. When I spectacularly botched my last 5-year goal, I became unmoored.
However, these last 5-years have taught me a lot. So to celebrate my anniversary of not trying to kill myself…
Here are five things I learned when life is uncertain:
Number 1. Go to therapy. Perfect childhood? Therapy. You’re literally perfect? Therapy. I can not stress this enough Go. To. Therapy. It seems odd to me that we will chastise someone for not going in for an annual physical but we don’t think to go in for an annual mental health check-in.
Let’s normalize that. Stat.
2.Go to sleep. I can not stress this enough. There is nothing going on that is so important that you are not getting rest. Lack of sleep will break you down physically and mentally in ways you can even imagine. If you do nothing else guard your sleep health with the sharpest sword possible.
3. Drink Water. Did you know you are made up of water? You did? Great. Then frickin’ drink that shit. Dehydration will actually mimic a whole host of mental illnesses. Imagine simply going to your kitchen and getting water and clearing up mental fog. That’s right folks the medicine is in your glass unless it’s number four…
4.Take your meds. I can not stress this enough. If the doc prescribes ’em, take ’em. Because there is such a stigma about taking meds and/or getting hooked on something people will suffer through so much when you could simply take your meds. Do it. Your body will thank you for it. Because if you don’t take your med your mental AND physical health takes a hit and now you in a vicious cycle over what? pride? Ew.
5.Forgive yourself. The hardest part of unpacking trauma is coming smack dab to the fact that sometimes you were the villain. Sometimes you were the toxic one. Sometimes you got in your own way. You have to forgive yourself. You have to not blame others either, but more importantly, you have to understand you did the best you could at the time, even if it was the worst of ya. Let that shit go, beloved.
Bonus: If the actions and the words don’t align run away. I wish I could take this sentence and put it on billboards all across the world. So many of my interpersonal problems boil down to not understanding that it doesn’t matter what you say it’s what you do. I’ve let employers, friends, and loved ones run-amok in my life because they SAID the right thing, or I inferred the “true” meaning of their actions from their past words. Don’t do this.
You shall know them by their fruit.
Beloved, it’s hard but you have to start looking at what a person is producing in their life before you walk alongside someone. Would you get relationship advice from a serial-cheater? No? Then take this seriously too.
It’s my sincerest intention to get back to comic book reviews, culture critiques, and mental health posts. Well, I guess we can shelve this one in the last category. But I wanted to be transparent about where I’m at and how far I’ve come.
I’ve got a long way to go before I become the best me, but I will tell you I am so excited about evolving in the next 5 years. No specific plans of course 😉
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