It’s not lost on me that I am writing a blog post about oversharing while oversharing about my trauma. But honestly, my desire to help others is always going to my own outweigh self-preservation skills.
Oversharing has to be one of the biggest things I struggle within my life. It’s my sincerest desire in my life to do two things:
Not be a hypocrite
Help others
Naturally, I would think oversharing would be a way to accomplish these goals.
However, I’ve learned oversharing is a symptom of trauma that is overlooked while healing. I feel confident my fellow oversharers strive toward the goal of forging connections. It’s human nature to build a tribe. and those dealing with trauma will often overshare to show they aren’t a threat. Or maybe the goal is to show they can relate to a person they are interacting with at the moment.
Oversharing is dangerous, and the person sharing is in danger.
When I overshare I often do not consider if the person is equipped to handle what I am sharing.
When I overshare I hope to engender sympathy or empathy.
When I overshare I do not consider if the person won’t use this information against me.
Oversharing also feels like being vulnerable and being open. I’ve joked before that I’ll gladly share my top three childhood traumas and kinks, but you will never know my middle name/height/dreams.
Am I truly doing the work of opening up and being vulnerable with people? No. Oversharing is akin to fake work.
This is the part of the blog post where I give you three steps on how to stop oversharing. But I am still struggling with this.
I can tell you three things I do to help minimize my likelihood to overshare:
Journal– sometimes I overshare because I’m processing. I’ve learned that journaling hugely satisfies that urge.
Watch the Clock- the Venn diagram of me oversharing and a conversation going too long is a circle. When I start to get over or understimulated by a conversation I start planning an exit strategy so I don’t overshare to prove I’m invested in the conversation.
Pinch– yes, I will physically pinch myself. I often miss social cues until it’s too late. If I’m speaking for long segments of time I randomly pinch myself to ground myself and do a temperature check of my audience.
I don’t think this is great advice for everyone so please read this “Ask Polly” article by Heather Havrilesky ‘‘I Can’t Stop Oversharing!’
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